As we approach the end of a year and the beginning of a new one, we often think of resolutions of what to do to become a better person (various ideas such as learning something new, be more physically active etc). But resolutions also mean what not to carry with us for the next year and leave them behind.
I’m going to focus on the part on leaving things behind and not carry them for the next year. It could be more than one thing that is keeping you from moving on, but it is not impossible to state that you want to move on past those experiences. I’m going to share some tips with you on how to move on past the pain.
1. Conscious decision of putting things in the past
This may sound obvious that you need to leave things behind, however acknowledgement makes conscious of what has happened to you and understand how that situation is affecting you physically and psychologically. It also means that you have weighed your choices and while you can learn from them because they make you an even stronger person they will not dictate your life.
2. Taking Responsibility
It might be easy to be the victim and pointing fingers but by doing so we are automatically fixating ourselves in the past. It is important to understand that we share responsibility as well. It is useless to say “I could have done this” as what has happened had happened. Also the reason we still think about what has happened is because we let that situation take over our emotions and our day. What we can do is learn from our mistakes and move on.
3. Acknowledgement of the past as is
If we use the example of the stages of grief (loss of someone you loved) that are denial, anger, bargaining, and depression it is accepting that what happened to you is in the past, and you can’t change it. What happens is that you build new experiences around that pain and the new reality that has happened.
4. Forgiving yourself and others
We immediately think that forgiveness is erasing the memories as if they never happened. But in actual fact forgiveness is the act of not holding grudges of things in life. You might have heard the expression ‘forgive and forget’. I struggled a lot with that phrase and for a while I didn’t agree at all because it I felt I couldn’t simply just erase it from my mind and say that “it’s okay!” I felt that I still wanted to hold on to it. As we said forgiveness is letting go of those actions even if you don’t understand it or when you tried your very best just don’t have to be hard on yourself.
5. See your strengths
When moving on with life it is important to analyse and see what are your strengths, what makes you happy, what do you enjoy doing, where can you make a positive change in your life and maybe in the lives of others etc. Gather your strengths and see what thigs need to be changed immediately. Surround yourself with people who have the best interest at heart, those who understand who you are, who support you and encourage you.
6. Make a plan for the future
Moving on with life means that you need to make a plan of what is the most important for you. It could be reordering priorities and forming healthy boundaries. It could be exploring different possibilities and discovering new opportunities. The important thing is to get out and do something to keep you active. Try something new and get out of your comfort zone. The only thing that matters is that you tried, even if it doesn’t work out the way that you wanted to.
7. If you fall get back up
There will be times that we will remember of that pain that we went through and depending how it was healed it feels like scratching that wound and blood comes out of it. It is important that you don’t let that pain take over you. If that happens, take a few deep breaths to focus on yourself, remember and acknowledge your growth that you have made so far and get back where you have left.
This is a bold move to do to leave the past behind, shaking them off (as Taylor Swift said) because you don’t need these experiences and even people who hurt you. Inspired by Mark 6:11
“And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them.”
I propose a declaration that you can say to yourself which is this:
“I want to move on from this thing that is keeping me down! I’ll shake the dust off my feet and leave it in that year because I will not carry it for the next year. I don’t want this to take over my life, my feelings and my day. The past is in the past, I will close a chapter and start a new one filled with new opportunities and new beginnings.”
I hope that this helps and I pray that whatever you are going through in life God will guide you to be yourself as you are and discover that you are worthy in His eyes. May God bless you and may you have a new year filled with joys and new opportunities in life.
Here are some websites that talk more about this topic and where I got the inspiration from:
